Friday, July 30, 2010

my own personal bridesmaid update

So for those who still care about my bridesmaid saga, I only have one more wedding left this summer! This one, for some reason, has proved itself the most stressful, though. I can't quite put my finger on why, but this is the one that's been giving me anxiety dreams.

A month ago, I had the anxiety dream in which I showed up at the wedding and still hadn't bought the correct shoes (I ended up marching down the aisle in combat boots; my brain decided to add the creative detail to the dream of having all the bridesmaids carry candles instead of bouquets. "Just don't let the candles blow out," the bride's mother warned us as she sent us down the aisle. Of course mine kept blowing out and I in my combat boots would have to scurry over to the sconces on the chapel wall and relight it several times during my short journey. None of the other bridesmaids had any such difficulties.). This was the dream that inspired me to go out and buy the damn shoes, which of course almost gave me gangrene (so did anyone want me to post the pictures I took of my foot infections?).

I thought I was done with anxiety dreams after that. But this week, they came back. I guess we're just getting to close to the actual day.

In the first, on Tuesday night, I showed up--late, of course--for the wedding and realized I wasn't wearing the correct EARRINGS (because yes, in real life, the bride has mandated matching earrings as well as eye shadow--so maybe the dream isn't totally without relevance). I needed a pair of pearl studs, and the bride was SO disgusted with me that I hadn't managed to by them already.

But then, saving grace! my friend Karen--who, by the way, the bride doesn't know in real life, and who had no logical reason to be at her dream wedding--showed up. Karen happened to be wearing EXACTLY THE CORRECT EARRINGS!!!

"Karen, you HAVE to give me those earrings!" I begged.

"If you want them, you have to earn them," she said.

"How?" I would have done anything.

"Well, for the left earring, why don't you give me a verbal essay about the origins of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and your opinion on the best global strategies for moving forward." Maybe I should mention Karen is a high school teacher.

"But Karen," I protested, "I'm not really up on current events! I haven't read much about it since--"

"You're just going to have to do your best," she said.

Luckily I woke up then. I don't think I could have delivered that essay.

The next night, I had another dream. In this one, I realized on the Thursday of the wedding week--as in, the night of the bachelorette party--that I had actually commited to being a bridesmaid in two different weddings that same weekend, one in DC, one in Vermont. I just hadn't realized until that moment that they overlapped. Woops.

After mulling over my options--could I somehow teleport between duties?--I realized I would have to cancel on one of the brides. My dream-self opted to cancel on the fake bride (ie, the one whose wedding I'm not actually in). This turned out to be a girl who'd sat at my four-person lab table in 8th grade science, although I hadn't seen her since then. My dream self didn't remember her name; I had to look her up on Facebook the next day.

Science Girl cried when I lied that family obligations had come up. It turns out I had made the right decision, though, since all the bridesmaids were wearing elaborate theater costumes for Roman-era tavern girls. There would have been extensive make-up required. As the bride sobbed about how much my participation would have meant to her, I woke up. Phew.

Anyway. That's where I'm at right now. Off to get me some pearl studs. Have a great weekend!


Annika said...

I was blogging anxiety dreams this week, too! Must be something in the air during these hot summer nights.

I love the bit about the essays-for-earrings exchange. That's grand. :)

Susan McBride said...

Whoa, those are serious bridesmaid anxiety dreams, Moonrat!!! Good luck finding the perfect studs. When I got married, I gave my bridesmaids pearl studs and a pearl drop necklace so they'd all be matchie-matchie! And one of them sent me pics of her with studs and necklace at a mystery con to prove she did wear them again! Loved that!

BTW, I think combat boots would be a very interesting shoe option for a bridesmaid! I'm surprised my sister didn't think of that for my Big Day! (Although hers probably would've had chunky platform heels.)

David Alton Dodd said...

Why do you women torture your best friends when you get married? Matching earrings and eyeliner?

Kelly Bryson said...

Those are some detailed dreams. My dreams are a lot less plotful. I build stuff, like roller coaster tracks out of couch cushions, or I'm wandering around with my kids, back in high school, trying to explain to my returned-to-teenage husband that these are our children and maybe he'd like to go out some time? We didn't even know each other then. Point it, not much going on plotwise.

It makes more sense reading this how some people get their book ideas from dreams.

Emily White said...

I had my bridesmaids wear matching earrings when I got married, but I bought them and gave them as gifts.

Lisa_Gibson said...

Since I've sworn off marriage, I thankfully will never have to go through the horrors of torturing my friends into wearing some hideous frock with matching this and thats. ;)

Lisa ~ YA Literature Lover

jjdebenedictis said...

Last night, I had a dream about carrying an apparently-happy puppy around inside a bottle of water (it could poke its nose out to breathe.)

And there were spiders involved. And vacuuming. And a monkey and its baby were living above my ceiling tiles.

At least your dreams make sense, is what I'm saying.

Ebony McKenna. said...

Anxiety dreams - quick and dirty analysis: You're feeling anxious.

Also, the candles - the bride is asking the impossible. Or the bride's mother. Either way, people are putting way too much pressure on you to perform. Do you feel responsible for the Bride's happiness?

Only the bride is responsible for her happiness - and you are responsible for yours. You will not ruin her day.

Keep breathing. Meditate if you can. Medicate if you have to :-D

((((hugs))))) and buy those 'trick' candles that don't blow out.

moonrat said...

David--I've been asking myself that question for a hot minute over here...

SarannaDeWylde said...

Oh wow. That's crazy, but I would not hesitate to wear combat boots. At least they'd be comfortable and I wouldn't tower over the other bridesmaids like I would in heels. :)

Charles Gramlich said...

I haven't had an anxiety dream it quite some time. Ahh, blessed summer.

Patti said...

and i thought i had weird dreams!


Bekah said...

Oh, this is hilarious! The exact reason I watch Bridezillas, even after I got married. Poor bridesmaid E.A. Why do people care if they match?

JES said...

I'm getting to this a couple days late and the world, no doubt, has moved on. But I'm fascinated by one thing about that first dream: You never found out what Karen would make you do for the RIGHT earring.

If I were workshopping your dream, I'm sorry, this would be an obvious place to fix it.

Whirlochre said...

You need to be dreaming of wedding cake — huge marzipanny chunks of the stuff that need two hands to wield and a whole afternoon to chomp.

Judy Gasperini said...

Well I heard that Mercury is in retrograde so maybe? Your dreams remind me of the movie "Groundhog's Day."

BrownEyedMystic said...

Haha totally loved listening to your dreams! It is funny that dreams could give us a hard waking-time ;) and persist us to buy those earrings, shoes, or that Indian elephant!